Trying and Failing

I tried not to but I did and now I'm feeling so stupid. I also realized today that I'm actually a little bit mad, as in crazy mad. Not a very positive self discovery.

All day long, I tried to beat off these feelings of I have to. I told myself, no, I won't, because I knew I would end up feeling hurt because I'd been a fool. Here I am. I made a fool out of myself. I knew I wouldn't get a response and end up making an ass out of myself yet again. Anyone else would've killed themselves after being insulted so much, including being insulted by themselves.

I wish I could make myself understand that it's useless to love someone who doesn't love you back. I wish I could just give up on everything and life as well. I hate to fight anymore but I go on fighting.

I try, I fail.