Today,
I knocked on the strangest of doors;
A door that opened onto the strangest side
of human emotion:
Your heart, or so it was said.
When I knocked,
Someone inside asked me,
"Who is it that you want?"
And,
I said your name.
The most unexpected answer
that you were not there.
Should I hide my surprise?
Should I be angry
and hurl fists at the sky?
I waited and knocked again.
And again and again.
No reply.
Wasn't it you,
who had invited me?
Is it you who has forgotten?
I wondered as I left
and wiped my eyes.
These tears just won't do anymore.
What was there or never was
is not what I am sad about
but about that, which was promised
But never found...
never found
Saturday, September 18, 2004
Friday, September 17, 2004
The Great Stampede
The Great Stampede
A Continuous Dirge of A Lament
We are sorry to inform you
of the death of your son's feelings
in a rush of other people's emotions,
Crushed,
these feelings were
sent to the ER
we tried to revive them but no
they had died on the way
In no morning paper
will this story appear
of a boy's death of feelings
the blatant murder being
Blamed
upon the deluge of
other people's emotions
No one will read and sigh
or cry
No one will attribute it to al Qaeda
or the Basque separatists
or the IRA or the Red Army
or the Chechens
or the Militants
or one Ariel Sharon
neither to Bush
nor Saddam Hussein
nor Mother Russia
Who will take the blame
for the murder of youth's
most innocent feelings
our parents, our elders
the society, this world?
or shall we say
All the feelings in desperation
and faced by inward frailty
committed suicide
Who will fight
our most private terrors?
Whom shall we call terrorists
for the murder
of our son's feelings?
Friday, September 17 2004
A Continuous Dirge of A Lament
We are sorry to inform you
of the death of your son's feelings
in a rush of other people's emotions,
Crushed,
these feelings were
sent to the ER
we tried to revive them but no
they had died on the way
In no morning paper
will this story appear
of a boy's death of feelings
the blatant murder being
Blamed
upon the deluge of
other people's emotions
No one will read and sigh
or cry
No one will attribute it to al Qaeda
or the Basque separatists
or the IRA or the Red Army
or the Chechens
or the Militants
or one Ariel Sharon
neither to Bush
nor Saddam Hussein
nor Mother Russia
Who will take the blame
for the murder of youth's
most innocent feelings
our parents, our elders
the society, this world?
or shall we say
All the feelings in desperation
and faced by inward frailty
committed suicide
Who will fight
our most private terrors?
Whom shall we call terrorists
for the murder
of our son's feelings?
Friday, September 17 2004
Monday, September 13, 2004
The Thin People
They are always with us, the thin people
Meager of dimension as the gray people
On a movie-screen. They
Are unreal, we say:
It was only in a movie, it was only
In a war making evil headlines when we
Were small that they famished and
Grew so lean and would not round
Out their stalky limbs again though peace
Plumped the bellies of the mice
Under the meanest table.
It was during the long hunger-battle
They found their talent to persevere
In thinness, to come, later,
Into our bad dreams, their menace
Not guns, not abuses,
But a thin silence.
Wrapped in flea-ridden donkey skins,
Empty of complaint, forever
Drinking vinegar from tin cups: they wore
The insufferable nimbus of the lot-drawn
Scapegoat. But so thin,
So weedy a race could not remain in dreams,
Could not remain outlandish victims
In the contracted country of the head
Any more than the old woman in her mud hut could
Keep from cutting fat meat
Out of the side of the generous moon when it
Set foot nightly in her yard
Until her knife pared
The moon to a rind of little light.
Now the thin people do no obliterate
Themselves as the dawn
Grayness blues, reddens, and the outline
Of the world comes clear and fills with color.
They persist in the sunlit room: the wallpaper
Frieze of cabbage-roses and cornflowers pales
Under their thin-lipped smiles,
Their withering kingship.
How they prop each other up!
We own no wildernesses rich and deep enough
For stronghold against their stiff
Battalions. See, how the tree boles flatten
And lose their good browns
If the thin people simply stand in the forest,
Making the world go thin as a wasp's nest
And grayer; not even moving their bones.
Sylvia Plath
You can't bind feelings for long. Fingers might be knitted together, lips might be pursed, eyes might be downcast but who knows, which crevice would let a feeling out? No guard would stop that fatal whiff; no mask, no filter...
Meager of dimension as the gray people
On a movie-screen. They
Are unreal, we say:
It was only in a movie, it was only
In a war making evil headlines when we
Were small that they famished and
Grew so lean and would not round
Out their stalky limbs again though peace
Plumped the bellies of the mice
Under the meanest table.
It was during the long hunger-battle
They found their talent to persevere
In thinness, to come, later,
Into our bad dreams, their menace
Not guns, not abuses,
But a thin silence.
Wrapped in flea-ridden donkey skins,
Empty of complaint, forever
Drinking vinegar from tin cups: they wore
The insufferable nimbus of the lot-drawn
Scapegoat. But so thin,
So weedy a race could not remain in dreams,
Could not remain outlandish victims
In the contracted country of the head
Any more than the old woman in her mud hut could
Keep from cutting fat meat
Out of the side of the generous moon when it
Set foot nightly in her yard
Until her knife pared
The moon to a rind of little light.
Now the thin people do no obliterate
Themselves as the dawn
Grayness blues, reddens, and the outline
Of the world comes clear and fills with color.
They persist in the sunlit room: the wallpaper
Frieze of cabbage-roses and cornflowers pales
Under their thin-lipped smiles,
Their withering kingship.
How they prop each other up!
We own no wildernesses rich and deep enough
For stronghold against their stiff
Battalions. See, how the tree boles flatten
And lose their good browns
If the thin people simply stand in the forest,
Making the world go thin as a wasp's nest
And grayer; not even moving their bones.
Sylvia Plath
You can't bind feelings for long. Fingers might be knitted together, lips might be pursed, eyes might be downcast but who knows, which crevice would let a feeling out? No guard would stop that fatal whiff; no mask, no filter...
Monday, August 30, 2004
Goodbye for now... or maybe, forever
The Isle of Portland
The star-filled seas are smooth to-night
From France to England strown;
Black towers above the Portland light
The felon-quarried stone.
On yonder island, not to rise,
Never to stir forth free,
Far from his folk a dead lad lies
That once was friends with me.
Lie you easy, dream you light,
And sleep you fast for aye;
And luckier may you find the night
Than ever you found the day.
- A.E. Housman
This is apt for this time of my life. Goodbye for now or maybe forever.
The star-filled seas are smooth to-night
From France to England strown;
Black towers above the Portland light
The felon-quarried stone.
On yonder island, not to rise,
Never to stir forth free,
Far from his folk a dead lad lies
That once was friends with me.
Lie you easy, dream you light,
And sleep you fast for aye;
And luckier may you find the night
Than ever you found the day.
- A.E. Housman
This is apt for this time of my life. Goodbye for now or maybe forever.
Does Anyone Miss Me Now That I'm Gone?
So I won't be around for long now. It's kind of sad. I would miss the people whom I love. Would they miss me too? Would they realize that there's something missing: the laughter, tears, morose talk, sad eyes of the yearning soul or me?
I don't know about all that but I'll miss all these things so much. Destiny doesn't give us too many chances and I didn't take mine. Now my heart is turned. Now it yearns no more. It cries no more, wants no more and needs nothing. But it misses that one thing that has always been absent from life.
Why?
Why need we make propriety claims on what is never ours? Why must we fool ourselves into thinking we can fight fate off. Everything is preordained. I thought I could choose but here I am.
Helpless fool of a woman, go and sleep!
I don't know about all that but I'll miss all these things so much. Destiny doesn't give us too many chances and I didn't take mine. Now my heart is turned. Now it yearns no more. It cries no more, wants no more and needs nothing. But it misses that one thing that has always been absent from life.
Why?
Why need we make propriety claims on what is never ours? Why must we fool ourselves into thinking we can fight fate off. Everything is preordained. I thought I could choose but here I am.
Helpless fool of a woman, go and sleep!
Saturday, August 28, 2004
I, Moron
Haha! I guess, I always wanted to pay homage to Asimov in some way.
I, Moron
As I recounted all my wasted minutes
formulating strategies for battles yet
unfought
Sought advice from a guru who doesn't think of me as a student
doesn't even know I exist...
I wondered how it would all come to be:
time wasted, counting, fighting, making believe
everything I ever cared for
wasted, wasted down the drain.
I was told in these exact words,
you're nothing more than a used condom
flushed down the toilet
I looked aghast unable to say or do anything
and asked myself if I had always been like this
so defeated
yet unrepenting from the ways of war
beating the drums with my head
and find no results
only the beats cry
you're such a fool
these walls will not move
oh no! not yet or maybe ever.
I, Moron
As I recounted all my wasted minutes
formulating strategies for battles yet
unfought
Sought advice from a guru who doesn't think of me as a student
doesn't even know I exist...
I wondered how it would all come to be:
time wasted, counting, fighting, making believe
everything I ever cared for
wasted, wasted down the drain.
I was told in these exact words,
you're nothing more than a used condom
flushed down the toilet
I looked aghast unable to say or do anything
and asked myself if I had always been like this
so defeated
yet unrepenting from the ways of war
beating the drums with my head
and find no results
only the beats cry
you're such a fool
these walls will not move
oh no! not yet or maybe ever.
Friday, August 27, 2004
Tell Her
http://knubee.blogspot.com/
A while back when I was wasting my time, I found this very beautifully worded blog. The posts brought tears to my eyes. Why is it so hard to tell someone that you love them. Sometimes, even your parents.
I think I need some rest right now. I guess I want to think about this and write some more. I wish I could hear right now the voice that I love but would I recognize it? Do I even know?
A while back when I was wasting my time, I found this very beautifully worded blog. The posts brought tears to my eyes. Why is it so hard to tell someone that you love them. Sometimes, even your parents.
I think I need some rest right now. I guess I want to think about this and write some more. I wish I could hear right now the voice that I love but would I recognize it? Do I even know?
Fish Advisories Rising Due to Mercury Risks
http://content.health.msn.com/content/article/93/102226.htm?GT1=4529
Fish Advisories Rising Due to Mercury Risks
EPA: Mercury Emissions Falling, but Fishing Advisories Rising
by Jennifer Warner
Aug. 25, 2004 -- Eating fish from more than a third of the country's lakes and a nearly quarter of its rivers may not be a healthy idea, according to a new EPA report that shows the threat of mercury contamination is rising in American waters.
The annual report shows that more than 100,000 of America's lakes and 800,000 miles of its rivers are now under advisory due to fish contamination and pollution risks.
Officials say most of the new fish advisories are due to potential mercury contamination. Eating fish or shellfish containing low levels of mercury does not pose a health threat to most people. But eating fish that contains higher levels of mercury may harm an unborn baby or young child's development.
The FDA and EPA have recently advised women who may become pregnant, pregnant women, nursing mothers, and young children to avoid larger fish that typically contain higher levels of mercury, such as shark, swordfish, king mackerel, and tilefish.
Fish Advisories on the Rise
The report shows that 48 states, the District of Columbia, and American Samoa issued more than 3,000 fish advisories in 2003, an increase of 280 from 2002.
Officials say the number of fish advisories is rising although emissions for major pollutants are declining because more rivers and lakes are being tested.
States are responsible for monitoring their own waters by testing fish for pollutants that accumulate within the tissues, such as mercury or dioxin. As a result, there is significant state-by-state variation in the numbers of waters and pollutants tested.
Overall, EPA officials say the national trend is for states to monitor different waters each year without retesting waters monitored in previous years.
There were 31 states with statewide fish advisories in effect in 2003, and officials say new statewide fish advisories in Montana and Washington are largely responsible for the increase in lake acreage and river miles under advisory. Hawaii also issued a statewide fish advisory in 2003 for its entire coastline.
The report shows the number of waters with fish advisories represent:
. 75% of America's contiguous coastal waters, including 92% of the Atlantic Coast, 100% of the Gulf Coast, and 37% of the Pacific Coast
. 100% of the Great Lakes and their connecting waters
. 35% of the nation's total lake acreage
. 24% of America's total river miles
Fish Advisories Rising Due to Mercury Risks
EPA: Mercury Emissions Falling, but Fishing Advisories Rising
by Jennifer Warner
Aug. 25, 2004 -- Eating fish from more than a third of the country's lakes and a nearly quarter of its rivers may not be a healthy idea, according to a new EPA report that shows the threat of mercury contamination is rising in American waters.
The annual report shows that more than 100,000 of America's lakes and 800,000 miles of its rivers are now under advisory due to fish contamination and pollution risks.
Officials say most of the new fish advisories are due to potential mercury contamination. Eating fish or shellfish containing low levels of mercury does not pose a health threat to most people. But eating fish that contains higher levels of mercury may harm an unborn baby or young child's development.
The FDA and EPA have recently advised women who may become pregnant, pregnant women, nursing mothers, and young children to avoid larger fish that typically contain higher levels of mercury, such as shark, swordfish, king mackerel, and tilefish.
Fish Advisories on the Rise
The report shows that 48 states, the District of Columbia, and American Samoa issued more than 3,000 fish advisories in 2003, an increase of 280 from 2002.
Officials say the number of fish advisories is rising although emissions for major pollutants are declining because more rivers and lakes are being tested.
States are responsible for monitoring their own waters by testing fish for pollutants that accumulate within the tissues, such as mercury or dioxin. As a result, there is significant state-by-state variation in the numbers of waters and pollutants tested.
Overall, EPA officials say the national trend is for states to monitor different waters each year without retesting waters monitored in previous years.
There were 31 states with statewide fish advisories in effect in 2003, and officials say new statewide fish advisories in Montana and Washington are largely responsible for the increase in lake acreage and river miles under advisory. Hawaii also issued a statewide fish advisory in 2003 for its entire coastline.
The report shows the number of waters with fish advisories represent:
. 75% of America's contiguous coastal waters, including 92% of the Atlantic Coast, 100% of the Gulf Coast, and 37% of the Pacific Coast
. 100% of the Great Lakes and their connecting waters
. 35% of the nation's total lake acreage
. 24% of America's total river miles
The Prophet SAW Answers A Bedouin
The author of the source was not given so I would mark it unknown. I titled it myself for an easier read. SAW: Sal`al`laho Alaihe wa aa`le`hi Wassalam
The Prophet SAW Answers A Bedouin
Enes Ibn Malik reports that a Bedouin came to the Messenger of Allah and greeted him in the mosque. The Messenger of Allah asked him where did he come from. The Bedouin said, "I came from far seeking answers to some questions". Our master SAW told him to ask his questions.
I wish to be an intelligent man, what should I do?
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Fear Allah".
I wish to be a loyal servant to Allah and do what He wants me to do.
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Read the Qur'an."
I wish to be enlightened and have peace of heart.
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Remember Death".
I wish to be protected against enemies.
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Trust in Allah".
I wish to follow the Straight Path.
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Do good to others for Allah's sake".
What should I do so that Allah does not abase me?
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Do not respond to the desires of your flesh".
I wish to have a long life.
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Praise and thank Allah".
I wish for prosperity.
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Be in a state of ablution at all times".
How can I save myself from the hellfire?
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Protect your eyes and your tongue and your hands and what is below your waistline against evil".
How can I cleanse myself from my sins?
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Shed tears for what you have done and repent by undoing what you have done wrong".
I wish to be a respectable person.
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Then, don't ask for anything from anybody".
I wish to be honorable.
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Then don't divulge the wrongdoings of anybody".
What should I do to protect myself from the tortures of the grave?
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Recite the Surah Mulk".
What should one do to be rich?
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Read the Surah Muzammil".
How should I calm my fear of the day of last judgment?
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Remember Allah before you eat anything and before you sleep".
What should I do to feel the presence of Allah when I make my prayers?
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Give the utmost care in taking your ablutions and in being clean and pure".
The Prophet SAW Answers A Bedouin
Enes Ibn Malik reports that a Bedouin came to the Messenger of Allah and greeted him in the mosque. The Messenger of Allah asked him where did he come from. The Bedouin said, "I came from far seeking answers to some questions". Our master SAW told him to ask his questions.
I wish to be an intelligent man, what should I do?
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Fear Allah".
I wish to be a loyal servant to Allah and do what He wants me to do.
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Read the Qur'an."
I wish to be enlightened and have peace of heart.
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Remember Death".
I wish to be protected against enemies.
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Trust in Allah".
I wish to follow the Straight Path.
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Do good to others for Allah's sake".
What should I do so that Allah does not abase me?
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Do not respond to the desires of your flesh".
I wish to have a long life.
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Praise and thank Allah".
I wish for prosperity.
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Be in a state of ablution at all times".
How can I save myself from the hellfire?
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Protect your eyes and your tongue and your hands and what is below your waistline against evil".
How can I cleanse myself from my sins?
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Shed tears for what you have done and repent by undoing what you have done wrong".
I wish to be a respectable person.
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Then, don't ask for anything from anybody".
I wish to be honorable.
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Then don't divulge the wrongdoings of anybody".
What should I do to protect myself from the tortures of the grave?
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Recite the Surah Mulk".
What should one do to be rich?
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Read the Surah Muzammil".
How should I calm my fear of the day of last judgment?
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Remember Allah before you eat anything and before you sleep".
What should I do to feel the presence of Allah when I make my prayers?
Holy Prophet SAW replied, "Give the utmost care in taking your ablutions and in being clean and pure".
To Be Or Not To Be
Today I asked a question. I said, is it all right for me to do something where I'm not happy but do it anyway? Is it all right also if I know I cannot make a change either if I'm doing that thing. The answer was yes, it's all right because we want you to do it. We know you can do it.
I think I surrendered. May God help me now because only He can.
I think I surrendered. May God help me now because only He can.
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