Happy Memories

A picture speaks one and a thousand words. June 18, 2002

Happy Memories

When I opened the photo album today,
I saw pictures of you and me.
You are one of the dead
but it seems so was everybody else.
In a way I cannot feel
the saltish tears rolling down
My fat cheeks
and falling over the damn pictures of you and me.
I was checking out my unmade brows
and I wondered then
That i looked more beautiful then when they were undone.

(Was I ever beautiful)

I held the flame out
But now I am tired
I cannot go on anymore without grieving every minute
For the death of me,
The death of me.
Is this the end of the world?
Or so it seems to me...
Now that I'm dead did anybody shed a tear over me
Am I the only one grieving
Letting my tears dry in the october winds.
See that picture of me when
I was hurt and crying
And I laugh over the folly of innocence
Turned into stupidity
Spiral down to sobs in the black night
Oh goddamit I self-pity me!
Don't help me please
I need to be taken apart fully
Or left alone
Or held until I rest in peace.
Left alone in the driving rain
While everybody drove away
See the pictures on the wall
None of them is mine.
And if she had put one there
It would have brought out the madness in me
But I wonder if I was ever sane
And when I think in retrospect you've made me so

(Did I never have feelings?)
(Did I ever have feelings?)

You wanted to listen to the story
I was never the one who forced you
But I saw you stifle that yawn.
Oh they know it's not that interesting
Nothing is or maybe I never was...

Would you take me in if I were a leper
Would you still touch me if you saw the scars
But I could see it in your eyes when you spoke
Or in the silence
I could hear the sighs.

Move ahead to the days when I was free
And how long was that
Just for ten days and one day the poor girls
Were scared
That he would see the pictures of freedom
And beat their fat sister
Hide the damn album but would I
Hide it all my life
And where would I hide it so that no one would find
And how long can we deny
That it is not there at all.
Oh wretched me!
Would you think I'm beautiful if I took off the mask
Would you get scared if you saw my naked feelings
But always the one who was scared that
They would use it against me
So why should you even bother to listen
And why should I even bother to tell
When you'll never be here
Maybe you would tell me too that it was just a game
Then tell me too that I was never the same
Never the same

(All of them told me to stay the same)

Holding the murdered innocence in their hands
While they are told that you are already in love
And how nice your love is, oh sure!

Watch the picture as it melts off the screen
Or is it the tears in my eyes
And everytime sisters and brothers watch that movie
Remember that someone got beaten over it
That there are prices to pay
Even for extra reels of film that didnt cost a thing.