Thursday, April 05, 2007

I am dead

On to the reason I am here... as usual to take out my frustrations where I know my family won't find out. Back home, my blog was banned. I don't know why. I think it was a countrywide ban but somehow when the ban was lifted, mine was still banned. That's one reason why I couldn't post anything here until I was there. I was pissed off at that but now I'm happy. It's not that anyone knows about my blog but I still wouldn't want them stumbling over it. I hate the Internet, I really do. I had to remove my name, when I read all these articles about employers doing searches on the Internet and then not giving you jobs etc. There's no freedom of information. That's all a load of bollocks (as the English so rightly put it).

Anyway, I am dead. My words are dead and I am dying too. It's good. It's good to shout that into the anonymity of the world wide web.


Woo hoo! I guess that shows how good I am at dramatics. When words and feelings die, so does a person so this 'I am going to die' thing is just crap, crap, crap! I am already dead. I hate the bed because it will never be as comfortable as a grave. It doesn't have the vermin that will eat my flesh. I hate the covers because they don't feel like the shroud will soon cover me. I hate the blanket because it's not like tonnes of mud that will be piled on top of me. No, it's just not the same. Thus, the insomnia. Not that I fear death and wonder what is on the other side. I want to burn in hell for everything I didn't do. Yes, you got that right: everything I did NOT do. When a person is dead and living a hell everyday, what difference would other hells make? Cold? Hot? What does it matter? It's all been always the same to me.

Meet the Maker you say? What will He say to me? You were a hopeless coward. You never prayed. You didn't ask. How should I ask you my Lord? How? I did. I did everytime.

Now, I am dead dead dead.


Visited blogger after a long time, as usual, to vent my feelings and found some pleasant changes to the format. I didn't change my template but changed the layouts. Found comments by old friends: Hello Tuishimi! I miss you! Hey dasfunkyt! How are you?

I think my blog looks a bit more presentable now. I like it just a bit better now. The only thing I feel bad about is that I can't write anymore. The words have died on my fingers or lips or whatever it is.