Monday, November 24, 2003

Whoever Brought Me Here Will Have To Take Me Home

It's 4 A.M. Nasruddin leaves the tavern and walks the town aimlessly. A policeman stops him. "Why are you out wandering the streets in the middle of the night?" "Sir," replies Nasruddin, "if I knew the answer to that question, I would have been home hours ago!"

That's from the book, The Essential Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks. It's a most wonderful book. Though Rumi is my heritage and I should've learnt to read him in Farsi, yet I have to rely on translations. Must say it's a wonderful translation though.

Why did I take this excerpt? Because this is how I feel nowadays.

Tonight I'll let you know about my feelings. I am feeling so odd. I'm not nervous but it's the feeling of impending doom. What with the fast and all, my stomach seems to be churning as well. Won't be giving him any reasons because there arent any. There's no reason why you feel in a certain way. All this time, while I thought that it was okay not to tell, I was wrong. Now that I think about it. I feel that I've been trying to hold onto him even though I knew that he might never be mine because there was this burden of truth on me. I want to be free. By telling the truth. By not denying it. I always used to ask myself, why do people deny the truth. They don't lie but they deny it. Now I know, the truth is much more scarier than anything in this world. We're always so scared of losing something that we'd rather make an alternate realit where we don't accept what's really real and true. Tonight I'll come to terms with the truth. I hope Allah will give me the strength to do this. InshAllah!