Lost Between the Lines

(This one was only ever for you because you're the only one. I only ever said those three words to you. They don't mean anything of course. Now I know why you were so sceptical when I sent you this poem. You were always sceptical that I could love you. Was it a compliment or an insult? I don't know. I know this: You're the only one I loved, as much as I did and with so much nervousness, innocence and shyness.

You were right. You never said those words ever first but I did. Now everything is really lost. Now there's static and there's such a distance that you will only cover upon my death. Perhaps just as well. Because I said I love you first. One of my many many sins. My endless punishments.)

Tomorrow I will talk to you
I have thought of every word
I want to say
I have written things on a paper
And now I am looking at them
This is not what I meant
When I said that I love you
I meant more than that!
Try to understand
These are the feelings that are
Stuck somewhere
Feelings lost between the lines
Lost in the static of silences
That have come between.

Now I am talking to you
I have forgotten what I want to say
I have mingled sentences
and minced some words.
The look of surprise in your eyes
Has me confused
I am saying I love you
But I mean more than that...
When will you understand
There are the feelings that
Want so much to come out
Feelings lost between the lines
Lost in the static of silences
That have come between.

(2001)