A funeral pyre as a bridal bed,
These black tears for pearls,
This sadness, these curses
shall be her dowry
Death and destruction
Unholy matrimony
Garlands and bouquets of grave flowers
shall adorn the funeral pyre
Immortality of desolation,
anguish and sorrow;
Many days of reveling in despair
This funeral bed this bridal pyre
Oh! To seek comfort
In mourning and regret
of moments that were momentous
The wedding march or funereal procession
Turn these nuptials into interment
Wail! Oh ghastly is the bride’s veil
These hours of darkness, melancholy
Hush! Let us hear the vows now
Started Friday, September 17, 2004
Finished Saturday, October 30, 2004
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Letter From my Conscience
Lying with the rest of my junk was this letter, which was part of an assignment in the Business Communication class. We were supposed to write a letter to someone, anyone. I wrote one to myself.
Jardin de Fleur
Hayatabad
Peshawar
April 3, 2000
My Foolish Heart
Peshawar
Pakistan
My Foolish Heart
You will be very much surprised to find my letter. Partly because of the fact that we have never met and partly due to this confession that is in all probability my last letter to you.
My Dear Friend, before I write anything else, I must admit not only to you but also to myself that though we have been acquainted for long, I feel as though I have never known you in eternity. You may think otherwise.
Such a confession on my part might rouse your anger or bring confusion to a mind already too confused in the face of rising misconceptions between us. I am not writing all this to clear my name but just to tell that I still have faith in you and the faith in the fact that you can distinguish right from wrong and that you have not turned into a hypocrite.
I believe that the barriers and hurdles being created by events in the way of our friendship may only be removed if both of us try. If it’s just a one-night stand and a one sided issue, how can we right the whole world?
Right now, maybe, you have feelings of hatred towards me due to the third rate interests of conflicting emotions and the trepidations that you have thus come to accept readily as true. Can’t we sit together and solve this problem? If this devil had been nipped in the bud, it would not have caused us this much sorrow.
I do not want to stop you from experiencing life as I can see that your heart pulls you to the fair side of it but should it be at the cost of one’s friendship? You can keep your love alive but should that make you forget your friends?
Oh, but I see I am the only forgotten friend. If fate is playing a game on us, we cannot blame it, but if the devil is causing your heart to play games on your mind, who is to blame?
Like every human being, you need warmth and affection and all this time you have waited for them to arrive without results. But our relationship has reached a cold point where our only communication is a nod of the head (and sometimes not even that). How long, may I ask, can I mask my sighs with sour laughter?
In your heart, you may think of me as an unsound mind but I have written this under great duress from the powers that be. Pride seems to be breaking under this emotional wreckage.
I have sworn my allegiance to you in front of God! What more do you want?
Nevertheless, the ball is in your court now. You may want to clean up or not but at least this load is off my chest. Before I close, you may want to know why I have developed such strong passion for you. My only answer is one that you know. I am a part of you and you gave me the life that I have. You have shown me that I am all that and more.
I don’t know how you made all these miracles but I think it needs a degree of self-awareness and I can tell you that I will always be with you no matter where you go and I will still love you if you don’t.
Hayatabad
Peshawar
April 3, 2000
My Foolish Heart
Peshawar
Pakistan
My Foolish Heart
You will be very much surprised to find my letter. Partly because of the fact that we have never met and partly due to this confession that is in all probability my last letter to you.
My Dear Friend, before I write anything else, I must admit not only to you but also to myself that though we have been acquainted for long, I feel as though I have never known you in eternity. You may think otherwise.
Such a confession on my part might rouse your anger or bring confusion to a mind already too confused in the face of rising misconceptions between us. I am not writing all this to clear my name but just to tell that I still have faith in you and the faith in the fact that you can distinguish right from wrong and that you have not turned into a hypocrite.
I believe that the barriers and hurdles being created by events in the way of our friendship may only be removed if both of us try. If it’s just a one-night stand and a one sided issue, how can we right the whole world?
Right now, maybe, you have feelings of hatred towards me due to the third rate interests of conflicting emotions and the trepidations that you have thus come to accept readily as true. Can’t we sit together and solve this problem? If this devil had been nipped in the bud, it would not have caused us this much sorrow.
I do not want to stop you from experiencing life as I can see that your heart pulls you to the fair side of it but should it be at the cost of one’s friendship? You can keep your love alive but should that make you forget your friends?
Oh, but I see I am the only forgotten friend. If fate is playing a game on us, we cannot blame it, but if the devil is causing your heart to play games on your mind, who is to blame?
Like every human being, you need warmth and affection and all this time you have waited for them to arrive without results. But our relationship has reached a cold point where our only communication is a nod of the head (and sometimes not even that). How long, may I ask, can I mask my sighs with sour laughter?
In your heart, you may think of me as an unsound mind but I have written this under great duress from the powers that be. Pride seems to be breaking under this emotional wreckage.
I have sworn my allegiance to you in front of God! What more do you want?
Nevertheless, the ball is in your court now. You may want to clean up or not but at least this load is off my chest. Before I close, you may want to know why I have developed such strong passion for you. My only answer is one that you know. I am a part of you and you gave me the life that I have. You have shown me that I am all that and more.
I don’t know how you made all these miracles but I think it needs a degree of self-awareness and I can tell you that I will always be with you no matter where you go and I will still love you if you don’t.
Waiting impatiently for your return into my world. Wish you were here.
Yours truly
Mind
Mind
How to Become a Politician
I wrote this back in 2000 to cheer up my mom. I don't know why I specifically wrote about Politicians because at that time I was quite young for that stuff. I do think I had a better writing style then. Hmmm... Anyway, I'm posting this here because it seems apt for politicians anywhere in the world. It made me laugh when I found it a couple of days back in my junk. Khair, here's the piece dedicated to the US Elections of 2004. (:
Ingredients
Lies
Bribery
Horse-trading
False promises
Utopian ideas
Black money
Mafia connections
Forgetfulness
Preparation
All politicians are conmen. Therefore, to become a politician, one must first have training in looting people through various schemes. Now, he must lie i.e., white lie, in such a way that everyone thinks it’s the truth. Bribery, mafia connections and black money are the golden principles of a successful politician. “Lie! Lie! Lie!” should be his motto. Make promises and effectively forget them after getting a ticket. Politics is the only field in which Alzheimer’s disease is desired and duly rewarded. The promises should contain such utopian ideas, as “We shall conquer the sun and also the galaxy M-2”!
Horse-trading should be carried out once the ticket is yours.
To become an international politician or have such repute, one needs the same qualities with the addition of extramarital affairs with interns to boost your popularity polls.
By careful following the above steps, the winning result of this recipe becomes visible in just a matter of time and there’s no doubt that you will become a “Great Politician”.
Caution
All regions have some people with germs of sanity who will try to stop you. Crush them with the help of your mafia connections and the ticket to the assembly is surely all yours.
The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi
This prayer was in a very old book, from which I copied it a long time back. Just felt like it should be here. It's a prayer for these times.
The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi
Lord make me a channel of Thy peace,
That where there is hatred I may bring love;
That where there is wrong I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
That where there is discord I may bring harmony;
That where there is error I may bring truth;
That where there is doubt I may bring faith;
That where there is despair I may bring hope;
And where there are shadows I may bring Thy light;
That where there is sadness I may bring joy;
Lord grant that I may seek rather to comfort than be comforted,
To understand than be understood,
To love than be loved;
For it is by giving that one receives,
It is by self-forgetting that one finds,
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven,It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.
The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi
Lord make me a channel of Thy peace,
That where there is hatred I may bring love;
That where there is wrong I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
That where there is discord I may bring harmony;
That where there is error I may bring truth;
That where there is doubt I may bring faith;
That where there is despair I may bring hope;
And where there are shadows I may bring Thy light;
That where there is sadness I may bring joy;
Lord grant that I may seek rather to comfort than be comforted,
To understand than be understood,
To love than be loved;
For it is by giving that one receives,
It is by self-forgetting that one finds,
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven,It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.
Friday, October 22, 2004
Last Evening With Her
A Haiku poem (I haven't really followed the strict rules of haiku writing except that these were spontaneous lines, which is the first rule of a haiku)
Last Evening With Her
a. she is here
vase of roses on the sill
flutter by butterfly
b. quiet whispers
fireworks in the sky
fading evening
c. loud laughter spills
blood vomit on the footpath
emptiness of soul
Last Evening With Her
a. she is here
vase of roses on the sill
flutter by butterfly
b. quiet whispers
fireworks in the sky
fading evening
c. loud laughter spills
blood vomit on the footpath
emptiness of soul
Thursday, October 21, 2004
A Short Flight of Fancy
There was a time when I was searching for the meaning of love. I was conducting interviews for a research report on love. That was 5 years ago. Now it seems like 5000 years ago.
What was the conclusion? I have to be in love to know it. 5 years or so down the line, I don't know where I stand regarding this surreal inexplicable feeling. I was asking myself today if I really have to be dumb for someone to love me as much as I love them. And I mean love of any kind not just that between a strange man and woman. Am I pretty? Am I beautiful? Am I smart? Am I overweight or fat? Do I only have faults and nothing good to show? Is everything good in the physics of matter?
What I feel doesn't seem to matter. As of yesterday, I've been given a new title of Psycho. I have been told many times before that I feel too much. Maybe I do but I have wondered what is wrong with that? Sometimes, I think, it's because people can't feel much that they want me to be the same as them or maybe it's true about me being a psycho. Oh, it hurts so to be called that. This is the life of a woman who isn't pretty in someone's eyes (or maybe everyone?).
This is the first time, I'm whining like this about my discrepancies. There's no freedom of thought to be exercised. Even the artists today are too arrogant. I could sit down and analyse this like Plato but then what. It'd confirm to some that I really am a psycho.
Why do I suddenly care? Oh, I don't. It's just when it's a specific someone that it starts hurting as if someone stabbed with a blunt knife. Sick. I shouldn't care. Maybe that's how it should be. Already got too many problems and now this. God and studies are more important. I should be more concerned about how I'm going to finance my education then all this. Now I'm focusing again.
Thank you God for letting me spit it all out here and through all the stupid rivers I cried today. May this never happen again.
What was the conclusion? I have to be in love to know it. 5 years or so down the line, I don't know where I stand regarding this surreal inexplicable feeling. I was asking myself today if I really have to be dumb for someone to love me as much as I love them. And I mean love of any kind not just that between a strange man and woman. Am I pretty? Am I beautiful? Am I smart? Am I overweight or fat? Do I only have faults and nothing good to show? Is everything good in the physics of matter?
What I feel doesn't seem to matter. As of yesterday, I've been given a new title of Psycho. I have been told many times before that I feel too much. Maybe I do but I have wondered what is wrong with that? Sometimes, I think, it's because people can't feel much that they want me to be the same as them or maybe it's true about me being a psycho. Oh, it hurts so to be called that. This is the life of a woman who isn't pretty in someone's eyes (or maybe everyone?).
This is the first time, I'm whining like this about my discrepancies. There's no freedom of thought to be exercised. Even the artists today are too arrogant. I could sit down and analyse this like Plato but then what. It'd confirm to some that I really am a psycho.
Why do I suddenly care? Oh, I don't. It's just when it's a specific someone that it starts hurting as if someone stabbed with a blunt knife. Sick. I shouldn't care. Maybe that's how it should be. Already got too many problems and now this. God and studies are more important. I should be more concerned about how I'm going to finance my education then all this. Now I'm focusing again.
Thank you God for letting me spit it all out here and through all the stupid rivers I cried today. May this never happen again.
Dream the Sweetest Bitter Dreams Tonight
Hope you enjoyed your stay. I did pray that you would. I don't think you waited for me. It would be good if you didn't. Otherwise, I'll start feeling guilty concious again for nothing. Hope the date and the time and the place has been fixed. Hope it goes well for you.
Oh! I lie so well.
Those who think it is permissible to tell white lies soon grow color-blind.
-Austin O'Malley
I hope not for the sake of everyone.
Do I make sense anymore in anything that I write? Does it even matter to make sense?
Tonight, I'll lay myself down to the bitterest dreams. They will be sweet because they are dreams still. Torment! Torment!
Oh! I lie so well.
Those who think it is permissible to tell white lies soon grow color-blind.
-Austin O'Malley
I hope not for the sake of everyone.
Do I make sense anymore in anything that I write? Does it even matter to make sense?
Tonight, I'll lay myself down to the bitterest dreams. They will be sweet because they are dreams still. Torment! Torment!
Kyoko's Haiku
So lovely I could cry.
秋陽や揺れるカーテン影淡し
秋蝶や風に漂う木の葉かな
赤とんぼ飛んでく先の夕日かな
夏の端に蜘蛛の巣一つ掛かりおり
Kyoko's Haiku Blog
http://wordswings.blogspot.com/
秋陽や揺れるカーテン影淡し
秋蝶や風に漂う木の葉かな
赤とんぼ飛んでく先の夕日かな
夏の端に蜘蛛の巣一つ掛かりおり
Kyoko's Haiku Blog
http://wordswings.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
And now I want to die
Oh this weather! The coldness. The emptiness. I don't even really know what emptiness is like but I feel it somehow. I can knock on my heart and feel the hollowed echoes. I only like echoes as they reflect from mountains. I am not scared of the reflections from my inside but...
I guess I want to feel.
And now I want to die, so badly. I'm so thankless.
Oh, Ramadan mobarik to everyone. This is one month I love. Some comfort in that.
I guess I want to feel.
And now I want to die, so badly. I'm so thankless.
Oh, Ramadan mobarik to everyone. This is one month I love. Some comfort in that.
Monday, October 11, 2004
I... I'm Alive...
My head is hurting a bit. 2 months of going through hell and suddenly it's over. Not really suddenly. It was expected. 8th October... I'm relieved. I've yet to check my messages and everything. I think my head is spinning. I'm not even sure if I'm thinking. Hmmm... Still... I've been humming this song for so many days now (apart from Bjork's "All is Full of Love") that I think my mind is playing weird tricks on me. I quote the only line I know...
Rasha o rasha... khoshay meidan de...
I wish I knew what happens in the khoshay meidan or why? Wale ba razay? After all maybe no one special called. Too far away.
Just heard this new R.E.M. single and this particular line brought tears to my eyes: "It's easier to leave then be left behind".
Don't know what to say. I'm sad and happy at once. Let's see. At least the self-loathing phase seems to be over. I hope I live through this all. At least the most beautiful girl in the world says she loves me. (: Let me go upload my stuff. Ah! I guess I'll read my messages tomorrow. Sorry to everyone. I'm just dead tired.
Rasha o rasha... khoshay meidan de...
I wish I knew what happens in the khoshay meidan or why? Wale ba razay? After all maybe no one special called. Too far away.
Just heard this new R.E.M. single and this particular line brought tears to my eyes: "It's easier to leave then be left behind".
Don't know what to say. I'm sad and happy at once. Let's see. At least the self-loathing phase seems to be over. I hope I live through this all. At least the most beautiful girl in the world says she loves me. (: Let me go upload my stuff. Ah! I guess I'll read my messages tomorrow. Sorry to everyone. I'm just dead tired.
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