Sunday, October 24, 2004

How to Become a Politician

I wrote this back in 2000 to cheer up my mom. I don't know why I specifically wrote about Politicians because at that time I was quite young for that stuff. I do think I had a better writing style then. Hmmm... Anyway, I'm posting this here because it seems apt for politicians anywhere in the world. It made me laugh when I found it a couple of days back in my junk. Khair, here's the piece dedicated to the US Elections of 2004. (:


False promises
Utopian ideas
Black money
Mafia connections


All politicians are conmen. Therefore, to become a politician, one must first have training in looting people through various schemes. Now, he must lie i.e., white lie, in such a way that everyone thinks it’s the truth. Bribery, mafia connections and black money are the golden principles of a successful politician. “Lie! Lie! Lie!” should be his motto. Make promises and effectively forget them after getting a ticket. Politics is the only field in which Alzheimer’s disease is desired and duly rewarded. The promises should contain such utopian ideas, as “We shall conquer the sun and also the galaxy M-2”!

Horse-trading should be carried out once the ticket is yours.

To become an international politician or have such repute, one needs the same qualities with the addition of extramarital affairs with interns to boost your popularity polls.

By careful following the above steps, the winning result of this recipe becomes visible in just a matter of time and there’s no doubt that you will become a “Great Politician”.


All regions have some people with germs of sanity who will try to stop you. Crush them with the help of your mafia connections and the ticket to the assembly is surely all yours.


Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Regarding the "founding fathers", the nation - and every major nation - was created on a lie.
The constitution was written to put in place a national government that would control the riches of the few and surpress the lower "factions". The founding fathers were rich men - how else could they afford to take months off to write a document?
I'm afraid politicians have always been corrupt, from Constantine to Bush. It's possibly a hard pill to swallow, that our representatives don't give a damn about us, but it's true nonetheless. Patriotism is nothing but the sugar that covers the bitter pill of reality my friend.

Anonymous said...

While what you're saying sounds very true,I couldn't agree with anymore than than I would agree that the 911 attacks were justified.politicians weren't always corrupt. Its just become so common today for them to lie everyone believes this to be true.our founding fathers would be furious with this nation if they were alive today to witness what has become of their nation.remember this nation was not created in a lie. Together we stand,united we fall.
Your future politician,daniel j caldwell
Friday, July 15, 2005 12:18:00 AM